YOUR will not mine!!!

LORD, this is what i want to do...YOUR will, not what i want to do but YOUR will...

this is such a very difficult concept for me right now in my life...i feel as though i am being torn in so many different directions and when i try to follow what i think is the LORD's will something happens only to let me know i was following what i wanted to do for HIM...

confusing...you betcha...

turn to the WORD, you will find your answers there...

pray for HIM to help you with discernment...

be still (hard for me to do) and let HIM speak to you...

slow down, so you have the energy and strength to do what HE is calling you to do...

run to HIM with every concern and worry that you have...HE is jealous for me...

LORD JESUS, hold me now and help me to hear your voice, fell your arms around me and feel your presence....

thank you JESUS

you know, it seems that every time i reach out i end up falling...

thank you JESUS for always being there to pick me up...

i want to be your hands and your feet, sometimes it is NOT easy...

please LORD give me the strength and the wisdom to minister to others...

please LORD allow me the confidence to trust in you and you only....help me to rely on you and not people...LORD you are a constant....you are a never-failing LORD and for the i am so very thankful...

please pray for my friend who has fallen, i have tried to pick her up and hand her her to you and yet LORD she has fought me all of the way....i need you LORD to touch her heart and pierce it in a way that only YOU can do....

LORD right now i am broken hearted at the thoughts of this young woman;s life without you....it scares me to know where she is going to end up without YOU...i am not going to to stop, for you taught me persistence and that i will carry through...

JESUS thank you for loving me so very much even though i am such a horrible sinner and do not deserve your unfailing love...thank you LORD for not giving up on me...

help me to continue to find my identity in you and through you...thank you JESUS...

2009 Football Season is upon us

to those of you who do not know, football season is the busiest time of the year for me at work...my doctors cover 12 high schools throughout three counties and 3 small colleges and also clemson university....so that means friday night football and then saturday morning clinic...things get kind of hectic this time of year for me....so if you catch me on a day where i am short and lacking in the patience department THIS COULD BE WHY.....

california countdown.....

GOING TO CALI.................CALIFORNIA...............TO SEE MY BABIES.............faith and isaac...........GOING TO CALI...........in just six days.................i can not wait..............woo hoo..................woo hoo..........marshmallow fights on the beach for the 4th of july....kahli is going to "paddle out" with becca.............i get to hug my sister's neck and stay up all night long talking and laughing.............GOING TO CALI.....CALIFORNIA.............good times to be had.....memories to be made.....fun for one and fun for ALL!!
................YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

countdown continues!!!!!!

SIXTEEN DAYS and counting until Kahli and I see our west coast family!!!!

woot! woot!

california countdown continues....

Four weeks from tomorrow these two wild and crazy girls will be traveling to sunny San Diego via New York City.

We are soooooooo ready to see our west coast family.

Kahli's Junior Prom 2009

This past Saturday was Kahli's Junior Prom. She went with her boyfriend Chris and about 50 others friends. They had a really good time and YES I let her stay out until 7:00 in the morning.

Kahli is a very responsible young lady and she called and/or texted me from each stopping point of the evening. She even asked if I wanted to follow them to the restaurant and take pictures. I wanted to, but earlier in the day I threw my back out, so I could only go as far as the first stop.

The next morning Kahli had to work at church for the 9:15 service, which she did am excellent job of staying awake but unfortunately during the 11:15 worship service I found her doing the "head bob" once or twice.

We talked a lot about the prom and what everyone was doing and what she found to be acceptable and not acceptable and yes I am very proud of the beautiful young lady she has become. No matter what anybody tells me.....SHE IS AN AWESOME TEENAGER!

Thank you Lord for not allowing Kahli to be as bad as I was when I was her age...

CALIFORNIA countdown...

Just in case anyone is wondering.....

Only 54 more days until Kahli and I arrive in San Diego, to be with our west coast family for 17 days!!!!!

I miss these two little faces so very much. I know that when I arrive in California, Faith and Isaac will be so big and so grown up. This picture was taken last summer and you know what a year can do to children. They are growing in leaps and bounds. Not only are they growing in stature but they are growing into young adolescents and they are beginning to have very distinct personalities and the best thing is that they are growing spiritually. I know that they are young but through conversations that we have on the phone, I know this to be true.

Just a month or so ago, I was feeling bad. I had been sick and missed work for a whole week (this is something that I do not do unless I am in the hospital or recovering from surgery). Anyhoo, Isaac called me on the phone and we talked for a while, then he said "you know Nana, my Daddy said I need to pray for you." I told him that I had not been feeling good and that prayers were very welcomed. I no longer got that out of my mouth, when he said " Can I pray for you RIGHT NOW, Nana?" WOW.....really....I said "of course" and he prayed the sweetest most heartfelt prayer to GOD without missing a beat. YES, they are growing spiritually.

Faith also amazes me with her questions about the LORD. Some of the questions she asked blow me away and I do not know how to answer them. Even when we think that they are not listening, they are. Faith has such a heart for the LORD, she shows it and shares it in her own unique way. She loves to go with her Daddy to feed the homeless on Saturday mornings in downtown OB. When she finds out that some children are homeless, she wants to bring them home with her.

What a sweet, sweet spirit Faith and Isaac both have. The reason is that each and every day their parents not only preach, teach and share the gospel but they live it out daily in their very own lives. The children see their parents helping others, praying for people and living out GOD'S word every day. Jim and Michelle are incredible parents and should be very proud to have these two extremely special children!

So you see, I can not wait to see them. I can not wait to hug them, play with them, read with them, swim with them, snuggle with them and LOVE THEM!!!!!

only 54 more days......

Kahli Dance Recital 2009

Thank you to everyone that has prayed for Kahli over these past couple of weeks. She completed her dance recital today with the help of JESUS, who carried her through. To watch her dance you would never know that she has been so sick.

She was amazing, even if she is my daughter. She sparkles when she goes on stage and you can tell how much she enjoys what she is doing. She definitely entertains her audience.

I was very proud of Kahli tonight for many reasons. She did an incredible job dancing. She did an amazing job leading her little girls in their dances. She is a great encourager to the younger dancers. Her attitude remains positive throughout her storms and the best thing of all.....She went on stage prior to the show and led a prayer for all of the dancers that were on the stage.

She credits the great show to JESUS!

Ready, Willing and Able

For awhile now, I have been looking for a "small group", a "home group", a "bible study". I often hear people talk about how they had a great bible study at some one's home and how close their "home group" is.

I have been longing to be a part of something like that. I have been praying and searching for a couple of years. Every time, I hit a dead end road.

Is the LORD trying to tell me something? Is this dead end road really an open door for me to be doing something to glorify HIM instead of satisfy me?

I have talked with many people during these couple of years and every time I do, the conversation always turns to me. What is it that I am looking for? What kind of group do I want to be in? What do I want to achieve in this "group"?

Tonight, as I walked and prayed, I asked the LORD to reveal to me what HIS will was regarding this quandary that I have found myself in, and what did HE want me to do. Because honestly, i often get lost in me and what I want, forgetting that my main goal here on earth is to glorify HIM.

HE has revealed many things tonight through this prayer time . I feel renewed about something that I have longed for, for so long. I feel like my prayers have finally been answered. I now know how I can accomplish what I think HE wants me to do regarding "home group".

No, it is not what I was looking for. It is not going to be comfortable. It is not going to be easy. It is going to take some work. I know that I need to step out of my comfort zone in order to achieve this.

I am ready, willing and very able!

"please pray for kahli"

Please pray for Kahli. Over the past couple of weeks she has not felt well and now that her Spring Break is upon us, she has been down and out. She has suffered with fatigue and muscle cramping. She has had headaches and unable to sleep at night. Now she has come down with a horrible cold and is feeling miserable. Please pray that she is able to re cooperate quickly.

She is really looking forward to church this weekend, with all of the extra services and more chances to minister to the special needs children. However, in order for her to do this, she needs to be well.

This Easter Sunday will be a very special day for us both and it will be much better if she is up and able to go to church and be around fellow believers.

HE LIVES!!!!!

We are blessed!

HE is in control!

Over the past couple of weeks, I have encountered some events in my life, that have made me step back and look. I have gone through numerous feelings including, fear, anger, sorrow, anxiety and hurt.

In talking with a friend of mine the other day and she gave me this verse:

...for i know the plans i have for you, declares

the LORD, plans to prosper you and not

to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and

a future...

JEREMIAH 29:11

This verse has gotten me through the hard times. Once again, i am reassured that HE is in control therefore, I am surrendering myself to HIM!

Thank you JESUS for loving me!

"heard the gospel today"

today is sunday....one of my favorite days ot the week and today was no exception....today i had the honor and pleasure of going to covenant church to hear jimmy preach.....even though he did not have a voice this morning, the gospel was heard loud and clear....one of those messages that leave you thinking and praying and pondering thoughts all day long...

then tonight, i went to newspring and listened to clayton king give a message and heard more of the gospel preached loud and clear....and still i walk away thinking, praying and pondering thoughts...

on my way home as i was driving i heard a song that kind of sums up my day...

BE STILL, MY SOUL

be still, my soul: the LORD is on your side.

bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

leave to your GOD to order and provdie;

in every change GOD faithful will remain.

be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly friend

through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

be still, my soul: your GOD will undertake

to guide the future, as in ages past.

your hope, your cofidence let nothing shake;

all now mysterious shall be bright at last.

be still, my soul: the waves and wind still know

the CHRIST who ruled them while HE dwelt below.

be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on

when we shall be forever with the LORD,

when disappointment, grief and fear are gone,

sorrow for forgot, love's purest joys restored.

be still, my soul: when change and tears are past,

all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

yes, the LORD is with me always and forever...whatever i am going through HE is right beside of me. ..HE is in charge...HE will provide. HE knows the order of my steps each day...may HIS will be done...BE STILL and know that HE is GOD!!!!

overwhelmed and melancholy

overwhelmed and melancholy...

WHY...

my heart is full with the love of JESUS...

HE continues to amaze me each and every day the way HE loves me..unconditionally...

i have an absolutely incredible daughter...

i a member of newspring church where i am surrounded by fellow believers...

i have a great job...

each day i am allowing myself to grow in CHRIST as i surrender my past...

GOD has all the money in the world...

i have indoor plumbing...

my car is paid for...

i am a great listener...

i make really good stewed apples...

a rooster wakes me up every morning...

kahli loves JESUS and is growing and maturing in HIM every day...

i give good pedicures...

i have a "free" gym membership...

GOD will never leave me or forsake me...

i can read my bible anytime and anywhere without hiding my love for the LORD...

i have more than one bible...

i get to minister to toddlers every sunday at church while their parents go to worship...

there are so many more things that i can be thankful for...

there is HOPE and i can find it...

GOD rocked my world today...

Well, today was going to be just another day.

If you read my previous blog, my state of mind was "pensive". There has been so many things going on in and around my life lately that I have been consumed with them, or should I say that they have consumed me.

These past couple of weeks I have been praying long and hard for some answers from the LORD. I have been asking questions to things I thought HE would never answer.

Truthfully, I have been concerned about "me" and not anything or anybody else. Yes, just self-consumed. This is not something that I am proud of it is something that just happened.

Anyway, without saying too much, I will share how " GOD rocked my world" today.

I have had this person in my life that I have not been able to warm up to and it has really been bugging me horribly. I am the kind of person who gets along with just about everyone. I can find good things in unlovable people. It has never been an issue for me to "gee-ha" with anyone.

So yeah, well today through a conversation, that was totally unexpected (that is kinda how HE works) I found out something this person and i had in common. Through the commonality that was revealed, my whole entire heart was changed. I know where that person is , what is going on in their heart and how they feel.

You see, the LORD used a time in my life in which I was "in a very low place". During this time HE was developing character within me. With the knowledge I have been given through this experience, I am now able to use it to reveal HIS glory. That just blows my mind.

I just finished a book entitled "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day". One of the lines in this book read: "It's our past problems that prepare us for our future opportunities". So okay, what does that really mean? HE showed me today what it means. HE has lit a fire within me today that had been "snuffed out" for a while.

This all may seem a little confusing to you, but what is comes down to is, the LORD is so absolutely awesome! I have been so self-consumed and selfish over the past couple of weeks and HE showed me a couple of things today:

#1....it is NOT all about me but about HIM (which I have always known but sometimes life gets in the way and we forget)

#2...HE can use horrible events and turn them into HIS glory

#3...we never know what someone else is going through just by looking and not loving.

#4...that I have the honor and privilege of knowing, loving and being loved by JESUS.

YES....."HE was in the house today" and I know it, I felt HIM and I can not thank HIM enough for what HE did for me!!!

I am so blessed that I am dancing on the clouds on a rainy day!

"PENSIVE"

yes...pensive....that has been my state lately...i have many things going on in my life and around me...

many things that concern me....many things i am praying for....many things that require my full attention....things that i do not know how to handle....

my mind is in a constant state of "thinking"..my bible has all of the answers but some days honestly, i am too tired to pick it up and read it....

my friends in my life are far away....

jumbled, my mind is jumbled and i long to find an answer...hopefully, i am on my way....

i will continue to pray...continue to work..continue to hope....continue to love ...continue to
live...continue to trust and continue to have faith...until JESUS returns or HE calls me home....

even though i am "pensive" i have realized that i am so very blessed beyond my wildest dreams...

Well February came and went and now it is March and on March 1st we had a huge snow in Six Mile. It has been really , really cold and messy. Kahli was out of school today and a two-hour delay tomorrow, so she is excited about that. This snow storm made me miss The Husters so very much. We always used to spend storms together, whether rain or snow. We would always play games and watch movies and make dookie wads(really good chocolate oatmeal cookies).

February also brought a dance competition in Atlanta with Kahli. We had a good times with the others girls and their families. We especially enjoyed riding down with The Durhams. We had a lot of laughs and made a lot of memories. Kahli and I both love the Durham family very much! Thank you Durhams for letting us ride with you. We also got to room with Mrs. Jessica, which was a treat. She is an amazing young woman who knows that Jesus is her Lord and Saviour. The conversations that we had were awesome.

I also got a surprise trip to San Diego to see The Husters. I surprised Faith and Isaac and that was so very cool. I got to take Isaac to his first soccer practice and that was awesome. He was so very excited and so was I. Faith is growing up so fast and becoming such a wonderful young lady. Boy do I miss them. I got to go to church and hear Jimmy share the gospel and what a great church they have. They have an incredibly wonderful mix of all kinds of people. They are great and very warm and friendly also.

One day Michelle, Uncle Greg, Faith , Isaac and I drove to the mountains to see snow. Who was to know that after being home for two weeks I would have more than enough here. We had a nice ride and played in the snow. On the way back from the mountains we sang bible songs and it was just like old times. The only very important part that was missing was my precious Kahli.

Finally, I got to spend some much needed time with Michelle, my sister, my best friend, who I miss so very much , it is sometimes hard to explain. We had a wonderful day together after church where we drove around (the weather was cold and rainy) and talked and shared. Then she took me to an amazing restaurant which over looked the San Diego Harbor. It was beautiful and our time together was awesome. It was just not long enough I feel like we could have shared for hours. Having 3000 miles between you and your best friend is really tough.

After that we went back to the house and watched a movie. We acted silly and laughed with Jimmy, Courtney and the kids. Unfortunately I had to leave at 5:00am the next morning and sweet Courtney was nice emough to get up and drive me. Thank you Courtney.

I am asking all of you who read this blog, please pray for my friend, Mike Timmerman. Mike was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer many months ago. Just recently they found out that the cancer moved into his lungs.

Mike is a strong man and has a great outlook but he is suffering horribly and feeling even worse...He is weak and in constant pain yet every time he sees you he offers a huge hug, a smile and "i love you".

He meets with the oncologist next week to begin yet another series of chemotherapy.

Please pray for his strength, his comfort ,his family, his walk with the LORD and for peace in his heart.

HAPPY 2009

January 1, 2009.....Kahli and I had the pleasure of spending the "New Years" with the Swedburg Sisters....Michela, Maddie, Mallory and Marisa. They has never ridden in a "bug" before so I double-buckled them all in the backseat of my yellow bug and set out for an adventure! Our original plan was to go to the "Botanical Gardens" and feed the fish and the ducks but.....that did not happen right away.....

I drove a little further down the road and saw that in the dorms at Clemson University had added new refrigerators and there were lots and lots of boxes and BIG hills to slide down. Needless to say, we took a detour and had so much fun riding down the hill in the boxes. Oh to be young again and to giggle riding fast down the hill . Okay I have to admit I had to try it. So I got my box and headed to the top of the hill and flew down (a large object in motion STAYS in motion) only to reach the bottom at a high speed. I flew off the box only to roll a little more on the ground and laughed and laughed. However, I am not as young as I used to be. It was really hard to get up off the ground.

We then went on our original adventure and walked through the garden and acted silly and laughed at the ducks and at each other.

Oh, to be young again and not to have a care in the world.

Thank you to the Swedburg girls for making my New Year start off with a bang, a roll, a tumble and a CRASH!!!!!